On My Own
by Saiyagal
Summary: *T/P, T/M, OC/P* Lolz, here goes. Pan is out one night and discovers that Trunks doesn't like her on accident...Will she allow herself to live with and trust men now?


A/N: This is a venture from my normal type of story. It's a T/P with some T/M and P/OC. Pan has a crush on Trunks and decides one night to go see what he's doing. She can't believe what she sees and runs off to think. It took me a little time to come up with the idea and run with it. I was inspired by a song called "On My Own" from the musical "Les Miserables". I will put a fuller explanation at the end of the story, so for now, just read please!  
  
~ lyrics ~  
  
~*~  
  
Pan looked up at the starry night sky. It was a clear night, with the moon full and bright, and the stars glittering in all their glory. Normally, such a sky would help her find peace within. But not tonight.  
  
"Trunks," she whispered. Tears formed in her eyes and, although she tried to stop them, she couldn't. So the shameful, salty water fell in small rivers down her face as she continued to think about the night's events.  
  
She had gone out around six with no clear destination in mind. Eventually, she'd found herself nearby Capsule Corp. Being the curious intellect she was, Pan decided to go see what Trunks was up to.  
  
What she found broke her heart.  
  
He was in the extensive outdoor garden with Marron. Pan didn't have to see up close to see that they were very close together. Their shadows were one as his head bent over hers, as his hand held her to him.Barely stifling a sob, Pan wrenched herself away and quickly made her way off into the darkness.  
  
~ And now I'm all alone again, nowhere to turn, nowhere to go to  
  
Without a home, without a friend, without a face to say hello to  
  
Another night of sleep, and now I can make-believe he's here. ~  
  
Pan gazed across the calm lake, letting its manner affect her mind and bury her sorrow. Part of what made her angry and so upset was the fact that Marron was her friend. Certainly isn't anymore, she thought savagely, but erased the pain she wanted to inflict on the hybrid android. It wasn't Marron's fault Trunks loved her.  
  
She missed him so much. For as long as she could remember, she'd always had a crush on the son of Vegeta, and that crush had become love as she'd become a young woman. But Trunks always seemed to think of her simply as a little sister, instead of the potential lover she yearned to be. She knew he cared for her, but never the way she wished it to be. To him, she was just Pan, granddaughter of Goku and great sparring partner. It was never Pan, the woman of his dreams.  
  
~ I love him, but everyday I'm learning  
  
All my life, I've only been pretending  
  
Without me, his world will go on turning  
  
His world is full of happiness that I have never known. ~  
  
She knew that it was all just her imagination. Trunks had never loved her the way she wished him to, and apparently never would. Not to mention her father most likely wouldn't approve - after all, Trunks was way older then her.  
  
Pan sighed. Maybe this was all for the better, no matter how much it tore at her heart. Trunks deserved someone like Marron, didn't he? And perhaps now that he was officially taken, she could turn her own heart to someone else. Who, she couldn't imagine, but she'd find someone.  
  
Suddenly, she heard muffled sobbing. Somewhat surprised that anyone would be in the city park this late at night, Pan looked around the bushes at the bench. There was a young man, his eyes closed as tears ran down his otherwise handsome face. She stared at him, and he seemed to realize he was being watched. He jerked his head up and stared back at her.  
  
"Hi," she said, breaking the silence.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"Um, what's your name?"  
  
"Ryo. I'm Ryo. And you?"  
  
She found herself smiling tentatively. "Pan. What are you doing out here at this time in night?"  
  
"I could ask you the same thing."  
  
"Well, I.found out something about.this guy I like, and.well, I felt kind of betrayed. I came here to sort myself out."  
  
"Oh. That's more or less the same thing that happened me." He choked back more tears. "How could she leave me like that? How?"  
  
Pan walked over, sat next to him, and held him against her as he began to cry again. Together, they passed near an hour in shared sorrow, each finding comfort in the other. Finally, Ryo wiped the last of his tears away and smiled weakly at her. "Sorry about that," he said quietly. "I'm not usually much of a crier."  
  
"Believe me, I completely understand you. I don't blame you at all."  
  
He grinned. "Thanks, though. Maybe.maybe I can see you again sometime?"  
  
She found herself grinning in response. "That sounds great, Ryo. I'll look foreword to it."  
  
"That's good to know. Um, bye."  
  
"See you."  
  
As Ryo walked out of the park, Pan smiled and looked at the sky. She knew she would never lose her feelings for Trunks. But maybe with Ryo's help, she could learn to love another. Laughing out loud, she flew into the air to get back home.  
  
~ I love him, but only on my own. ~  
  
A/N: E gawds, I was writing an explanation and when I stopped, I realized that it was almost as long as the story! So I'm going to do a really abbreviated version, telling only what is related to the song and this story.  
  
Eponine has never had a family. As a little girl, the only thing she had going for her - well, two things, really - was her best friend Cosette, and the love of her life, Marius. When she became a young woman, her love for Marius never left her. But then, Cossette and Marius met.and fell in love. At first, Eponine hated Cosette for taking him away, but slowly it dawns on her that it wasn't Cosette.Marius had never loved her, had never thought of her as anything but a good friend. Knowing that, Eponine felt her whole life was a lie. The next day, she joined the revolution as a front-line messenger, and was killed by a stray bullet.  
  
Although Pan doesn't go to the extreme of virtual suicide - about four in every five messengers were killed in that war - she does share the feelings of betrayal, helplessness, and sorrow that Eponine felt. I love the musical, and then I was listening to the music and I thought, "Just like Pan." So I came up with this, to get the idea out. Hope you liked it! And review, PLEASE!  
  
Here's the full lyrics, if you like. I only used a very little bit in the story.  
  
On My Own  
  
And now I'm all alone again, nowhere to turn, nowhere to go to  
  
Without a home, without a friend, without a face to say hello to  
  
Another night of sleep, and now I can make-believe he's here  
  
Sometimes I walk around the bank when everybody else is sleeping  
  
I think of him and then I'm happy with the company I'm keeping  
  
The city goes to bed  
  
And I go live inside my head  
  
On my own  
  
Pretending he's beside me  
  
All alone  
  
I walk with him 'til morning  
  
Without him, I feel his arms around me  
  
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me  
  
In the rain  
  
The pavement shines like silver  
  
All the lights  
  
Are misty in the river  
  
In the darkness  
  
The trees are full of starlight  
  
And all I see is him and me forever and forever  
  
And I know it's only in my mind  
  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him  
  
And although I know that he is blind  
  
Still I pray there's a way for us  
  
I love him  
  
But when the night is over  
  
He is gone  
  
The river's just a river  
  
Without him  
  
The world around me changes  
  
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers  
  
I love him  
  
But everyday I'm learning  
  
All my life  
  
I've only been pretending  
  
Without me  
  
His world will go on turning  
  
The world is full of happiness that I have never know  
  
I love him  
  
I love him  
  
I love him  
  
But only  
  
On my own 


End file.
